Best quotes by Rodney Dangerfield on Me

Checkout quotes by Rodney Dangerfield on Me

• ‟ My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!

  - Rodney Dangerfield
  

• ‟ I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  - Rodney Dangerfield