Best quotes by Mitch Hedberg on Me

Checkout quotes by Mitch Hedberg on Me

  • My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
    - Mitch Hedberg
  • All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
    - Mitch Hedberg