Best quotes by Joan Rivers on Me

Checkout quotes by Joan Rivers on Me

• ‟ I'm grateful for every day I'm still alive. Everything is still working. I attribute it to eating a lot of processed foods. I think it's the preservatives that keep me going. That, and I eat as much chocolate as I can get my hands on.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me.

  - Joan Rivers
  

• ‟ Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

  - Joan Rivers